Do You Know (What You Do To Me?)

Do you know what you do to me?

You’re not velocity but there you are, causing acceleration in my heart as time passes

You’re ubiquitous, all over the place, always in my space, but never really addressing me

It’s like we’re in this cosmic chess game, but it’s forever my turn and I really don’t know what move to make – “Wait”, that’s so “Awkward”.

Do I go in all hard, guns blazing? They’re asking me to shoot my shot, but it’s like Russian roulette: that one shot just might break my heart.

Do you know what you do to me? I really wonder.

As I’m here writing this, you’re probably asleep, and what are the odds that I’m a poltergeist walking your dreams?

Maybe one of these days, we’ll talk

but till that happens, I’ll keep shouting into the void until I gather the balls to come tell you how I really feel

Then again, 

baby,

Don’t hold your breath, ‘cos I’m female.
-Sarabelle

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Love: Alone No More

(This piece was written with Phinehas Osei, on the occasion of the wedding of a couple who were once CCF members.)

Two are better than one;

Because they have a good reward for their labour.

For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow:

But woe to him that is alone when he falleth;

For he hath not another to help him up.

Again, if two lie together, then they have heat:

But how can one be warm alone?

And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him;

And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

 

And they lived happily ever after.

Except, we are not told – when Snow White rides off into the sunset with Prince Charming, happily ever was Prince Charming leaving his shoes and his shirt lying around wherever he removed them. We don’t get to read that sometimes Cinderella burns the food. That Rapunzel and her Prince fought so hard to make their love work.

Because love, it is more than a series of happy idyll moments like a commercial – because those moments may be as transient as that same 30 sec commercial. Or whispered sweet nothings into your ear that leave you dissolving like sugar in water, honey, because talk is cheap.

Love runs deeper than that.

It may be represented in smelling his morning breath and not flinching away when he leans over to kiss you; not being repulsed when her hair and makeup are all over the place like a politician seeking re-election. There is an element of love in still calling her your beauty queen when extra paddings of fat begin to blur the edges of what were once sleek, smooth curves after one trip to the labour ward. Love is found in him still being your Prince Charming when his hairline begins to recede like the Red Sea moving at Moses’ command.

Love? It is the man who imagines slipping his arms around his wife’s soft, thickening middle age waistline and letting her know he couldn’t love her more. Because true love sees greying and sagging as the deepening of something sacred and beautiful.

But you see, we would leave the equation incomplete if we walked away without talking about the one who is in himself the definition of love. For what is all this if it isn’t a shadow of unfeigned love? Solomon said true love is as strong as death. Well I say true love is stronger than death. Because I have come to know true love represented by Prince Charming rushing in to rescue the Princess from the wicked witch was only a pointer to the one true Prince who rushed in to save us from the hand of the wicked bond master. So sometimes true love might look like sacrifices and forgiveness, like a weary, battered man carrying a cross up skull hill. Love is the God-Man hanging on a tree just by iron nails driven straight through the veins of the one who choreographs the lines of stars. We would come to realize love, and we would know it; as God’s back is rubbed raw by the bark of a tree, his heart ripped open by the snarl of the crowds, as the creator bleeds the resurrection of his creation.

Don’t get me wrong – there’d be butterflies. There would be candle-lit dinners. There’d still be moments when you’d be content to stare into each other’s eyes and let the silence do the talking – for words would be woefully inadequate to convey your love and appreciation for each other.

But on the days when there is burnt food and he is almost unlovable, please remember that the deal isn’t really about falling in love, as much as it is about committing to love.

You are alone no more. They say if you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together. I mean, go-to-get-her! You found her. And as you start this journey of life together, we wish you the very best, asking that the Lord himself unfolds the story of your life to the glory of his name.

Today you marry your best friend. The two of you become one. May the journey ahead bring you the very best of God’s goodness and faithfulness. You are alone no more.

 

-Sarabelle x Phinehas

Breaking Up With EDD

Dear Edd,

You’re the most amazing guy I’ve ever met, the perfect definition of romance. You’re sweet and funny and kind and you listen to me no matter what. You have my back so much that you put my vertebrae to shame and you’re on my mind so much that I may have to change my name from Sarabelle to Cerebellum. When I’m with You, my heart becomes highly perfused and my face is always lit with smiles.

But Edd,

I can’t do this with you anymore. And I’m sorry that I have to give you the classic line about “It’s not you it’s me” but it really applies here. Because you see, Edd, I am possibly the worst girl for You to have chosen to fall in love with. I hurt You so much on a regular basis that I’m surprised that you haven’t thrown sulphuric acid at me. I can’t count the number of times I’ve cheated on You and seen the pain in Your eyes. They say men don’t cry, but Edd, I’ve seen you weep so many times that your tears could easily bring an end to dumsor yes it’s that shocking.

Edd, please don’t even try to convince me otherwise. I’m really sorry, Edd, but this is for the best.

So yeah, I let Edd go. And He left a huge, gaping hole deep in my mediastinum. I became full of emptiness and pain became my daily bread. After hurting Edd so much I was determined to let the world see that I was fine without him, little realizing that the fine I was paying for His absence was just not worth it.

At a point lactate began to build up in my tissues and I got fatigued – call it anaerobic glycolysis because Edd was the air I breathed. So I decided to call a halt to this whole strike because lightning would have shown how dark my life was.  And so, I swallowed my pride, even though I risked having it lodge in my piriform recess… and placed a call to Edd. The funny thing was He’d never left! He was there all along, waiting for me to come back to His arms. Edd reminded me of a promise we’d made when we started dating that He would never leave me nor forsake me, and that He’d love me till the end of time. He held me close to him and gently whispered reassuring somethings not sweet nothings to me, reminded me of how much of a queen I am to him.

Like I said at the beginning, Edd, you’re amazing. You’re sweet and funny and I will not let my insecurities get in the way of what we have. And as time runs forward, I become certain that nothing can come in the way of what we have. No scissors are sharp enough to cut between us, because this time, what we have is built on the Rock.

I love You so very much, Esprit de Dieu.

Always,

-Sarabelle

 

 

 

Teleiotes, the One who Finishes

(Teleiotes is a Greek word that means “finisher”.)

It’s appropriate that Jesus is called Teleiotes, the finisher. After all, He was a carpenter. But this kind of finishing is more important than varnish because even that will vanish with time. When the trappings of this life and all its sorrows are done, what will begin to count, like a child in KG, is how you finished and what you finished with. Because that is what will be weighed in spiritual KGs when it’s all said and done.

Jesus may not have worked for Food and Drugs Board but He is the standard. He stood taller than Everest, and we can for ever rest in His finished work. But see, He finished well because He didn’t left life’s distractions spring on Him and catch Him by surprise. No, He was prepared like a dish of stew, but this time ready to conquer rather than be conquered.

You say He was God, and so He must have had it easier. Jesus was every inch man. He had desires. Testosterone pumping in His veins, and puberty during his lifetime. He may have had feelings for a beautiful Jewish girl with warm brown eyes and long silky black hair. Yet in all these things, like a concave mirror He had only one focal point: to be the light so that one day, multiple images of Him would be formed on the principal axis of life.

Jesus knew where He was headed, and every part of His body was involved in this race set before Him that was more complex than a four set Venn diagram. Day by day He was reduced slowly to nothing even as oxidation took place in His cells: chained to His destiny like a prisoner in His cell. He kept His eyes on the prize. Suffered a humiliating death. And at three pm on Good Friday, He could confidently say, “It is finished.”

Life is a race. And Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith, yes, but also our fate, is the one who set the pace. He did it, before us, and was successful. And we have an additional benefit to His suffering: He sits at the right hand of God the Father, interceding on our behalf daily. So it’s time to stop the ADIDAS life, because ADIDAS is no life at all. Instead try to be an All-Star in this race before as you go through the Converse seasons of life. Finish strong!

-Sarabelle

For Leaving’s Sake

(This piece was written with Phinehas Nana Osei, on occasion of our leaving Campus Christian Family, our church on campus.)

 

We may all be believers but this year not all of us will be leavers, believe us!

This is for us, a goodbye. But I ask you, what’s good about a bye when I won’t be by you? Why sing a swansong when you know that it’s your last? Why not cut out your vocal cords instead, symbolic of the cords that break in the parting of our physical presence?

This is the beginning of the end… or an end of the beginning. The birth of a new era, thrust out of the comfort of this place, into a cold, unfeeling world. The world has no welcome for those who don’t want to play by its rules; if you refuse to stand by its standards, you’ll sit in strange situations

Fare thee well you say. Well life isn’t fair! If I had my way I’d stay. Man must move and pick, Movenpick that which is necessary for his purpose to be accomplished. To become that golden vessel that only kings may sip from, you will have to be battered into shape, and it will not feel like butter sliding smoothly over your body, no, try rocks thrown at the very center of your being.

It’s time to walk out and put into practice the theory of four years.For four years I’ve been playing this concert in the solitude of my prayer closet, for four years I’ve been fine tuning the sound controls of this with Technical, reading about it via Library and now I’m here. But I step out knowing that with God beside me and His arms beneath me, I’ll walk on water and not sink, drink poison and not die, step on snakes and not be hurt. For every step of mine is ordered as though life itself was a restaurant and God is a chief waiter. And they that wait on Him…

Shall renew their strength! So now it’s time. Time to say Goodbye. So long, Auf Wiedersehen, Adieu. We leave you to God. Till we meet again. Godspeed.

-Sarabelle x Phinehas

Blood Agar on a Good Friday

(Blood agar is a growth medium used for culturing bacteria.)
Dear ladies,
 Jesus wasn’t the kinda guy that you would stop in the street to stare at twice. He wasn’t the kind of guy that you would nudge your bestie and say, “Ooh he’s fine!” because He wasn’t.

    And men’s wing, 

    Before you judge the ladies for being shallow, if you had met Jesus at the men’s swings of life’s playground, you would have shunned Him. Because He wasn’t a daddy’s boy but He was always talking about His Father’s business. 

    Jesus was a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief. The codons of His life would have read “start codon-GUG-TAG-AUC-stop codon” :Grief Upon Grief To Appease God As Ur Cost -the price we could never have paid.

    You know how James Bond is double-oh-seven and never seems to die? Well, Jesus God lived for double-three-three years and in the end He did “dye”, even though He didn’t work for Woodin, on a wooden cross. For me. For u,v, w, x, y all the way to z. But I digress.

    You see, on Good Friday, Pontius Pilate should have just stuck to eating pie late. Funny enough he did not eat that pie, but he washed his hands-off of Jesus’ blood. He had Him whipped-by His stripes we are healed. But the world musta thought we were talking about a zebra crossing because it walks all over Jesus’ sacrifice, His blood that ran rich red a river of redemption for wrongful sinners.

    Blood agar on a Good Friday, was Jesus petrified? Did He feel fear as His death drew near, like dy/dx approaches infinity? 

    So Brit Spears may not have been at this “show”down to eternity, but the Roman soldiers were, and they sure knew how to use their spears. They pierced His side-blood and water gushed out, out of His belly rivers of living water.

    The sun set at three-the second of the Trinity breathed his last-it was finished.

    Led to the slaughter like a sheep, His blood was shed for me. Richer than any blood agar Microbiology could use to culture Staphylococcus aureus, His death has transcended culture, and time, and place and still is relevant today.

    For in death we see life, to quote Anatomy. In Jesus’ death is there full life, for He rose again. And He may not be the conventional liver surgeon, but in exchange for deLIVERance He wants your heart. The One who was beaten and broken longs to make you whole.

    Hearken to His call, for He loves you so. 

    Have a Good Friday.
    -Sarabelle

    Mark Me Friendzoned

    …And so I avoid eye contact not because I don’t want to see you. In reality I want to stare at you. Memorise each and every single contour of your handsome face. Absorb the picture of you. Your beautiful cheekbones. The rich dark brown of your eyes. The arch of your perfect brows. The winsome flutter of eyelashes that any girl would kill for. The reggae of your laughter that causes my heart to rock and roll.

    No, I avoid eye contact because I’m afraid you’ll see my heart. I’m afraid you’ll see the depth of emotion and feelings I have for you. And I’m afraid their intensity will cause you to run hard and fast away from me. And I can’t have that.

    So I’d rather suck up the friendzone and suffer silently than to bare it all and left bereft. 

    Self preservation is such a pill, dear God.
    Sarabelle

    Guilt

    The person who said to let it go probably never had guilt eating at her as its daily bread. Guilt is an insidious jailer. Just when you think he’s freed you for Liberation, he comes back and mocks you and reminds you of what a huge, disgusting failure you are.

    Long story short: the hardest person to forgive is yourself.
    Sarabelle

    You Left Me

    This is not an accusation. 

    It is a mere stating of a cold hard fact,

    That you left me

    Wondering

    Wandering

    In a place of no comfort

    With strange thoughts and feelings 

    And emotions assailing me

    Cravings and desires that could never be met

    Screams for you which could never be heard.
    You left me

    Lonely

    Solely

    Soully

    Bereft of you.
    You left me

    Period

    Dysmenorrhoea can’t compare.

    You left me.
    -Sarabelle

    “SZN.”

    deep beneath the Ice Princess vibes is a girl who is longing and longing to be loved

    and cherished regardless of everything

    look carefully

    it is in her eyes

    the way she stares at you when you’re not looking

    the way she quotes you when you’re not around

    how she’s always talking about you, always about you!

    but she covers it up because she’s scared of being hurt

    it frightens her how much you mean to her

    have you given up on her?

    it’s not your fault

    you did try so hard

    but please please please 

    give her another chance

    she loves you so, Captain.♥
    -Sarabelle